so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
