I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
