my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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