Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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