my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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