Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
