and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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