hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Mom said you looked used
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
