Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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