dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
