I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
love makes seman taste better
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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