It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
