That's intense
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
