a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
