herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
