Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
