i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
