god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
