I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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