What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Couch. On fire.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
