eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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