Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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