so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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