Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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