I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
