Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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