my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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