I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
