dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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