I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
