I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
