There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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