$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
