I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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