I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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