Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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