Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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