dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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