I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
