Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
