I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
