i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
