we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
