This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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