I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize