I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
