I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
