So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
