whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
