am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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