my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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