What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
