I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
