Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My balls are so social today.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
