I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
