Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
