Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize