i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am available for nakedness
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
