you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
