I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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