Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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