your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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