Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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