Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
