eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
