I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
