i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
