can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We left an ass print on the piano.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
