I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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