There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
