lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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