I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
